sward27's Xanga

Top 10 things Christian men would want in a spouse

Sat, 26 May 2012 17:13:57 GMT

So today I was reading a news article about LoLo Jones, the 29 year old olympian runner who also happens to be a virgin. It always catches my attention to see other 20 something yr old vrigins like myself who are waiting to marriage to experience intimacy w\ future husband. It caused me to think about what men deem to be important in a spouse....
Its not so much a big deal to certain men if a woman is a virgin because we live in a different time era. However, I began to ponder what other attributes I should have to be a wife that's actually a help to her husband and not a hinderance.
So here's the list of things I view as. Important factors men would like in a spouse:

1. A woman who is supportive, yet objective in her perspective.

2. A woman who responsibly pays on debts so that she can minimize what she owes to bring less baggage into a marriage.

3. A woman who has good hygiene and practices weekly fitness.

4. A woman who doesn't nag, yet rather she can show a man what her thoughts are in a non confrontional yet assertive manner.

5. A woman who has a mind to help relieve her spouses stress thru running his bathwater, massages, cooking his favorite meals.

6. A woman who is willing to learn how to do things she may have no experience in that her spouse may want her to do (example: cooking, certain sports: tennis, softball etc. or even taking a massage therapy class to learn how to effectively rub her hubby down)

7. A woman who knows when to be uplifting and doesn't downgrade her spouse.

8. A woman who makes an effort to balance finances and not spend unneccessary large sums of money on wants instead of needs.

9. A woman who respects her spouses viewpoints and trusts his advice.

10. A woman who prays for her spouse more than she prays for herself. One who puts her hubby's needs before her own as well as the rest of her household.

These are the top ten things that christian men would want in a spouse. However, there are certain men who may desire a more aggressive woman that they can cater to....yet this top ten here is moreso for those who want a biblically based marriage.

7. A woman who is

Half full or Half empty?

Mon, 14 May 2012 04:28:19 GMT

So I've always been the optimistic type that could see potential in the worst of people or would give second chances to someone who shows evidence of being reformed.
Yet, is it best to always see the glass half full or is there times when its neccessary to see the glass half empty?

When I was growing up my Aunt raised me and I remember her being the most pessimistic person. One report card day I said " I got 2 B's, an A, and 2 C's and she automatically wanted to know what classes I got my lowest grades in. She always focused in the bad news....she could always tell you what a persons weaknesses were a lot quicker than she could tell you their strengths. Because I noticed this when I became a teenager, I refused to view people that way. I was always told that I was "slow and that I daydreamed too much." I would set aside time throughout the day to just stare out the window and daydream. Aunt Evonne didn't like that I would zone out into my own little world and she began to tell me I had a "mental problem."

As I started high school I started to believe what she said about me....I started to believe I was dumb. Aunt Evonne even had my sister believing I'd never graduate from high school. Which is kind of strange because I was never in special education classes. However I would leave school early (skipping class) hanging out with the wrong friends and they just lost hope for me. Aunt Evonne even told me I wasn't college material. Yet, I graduated from high school at the age of 17 and I was accepted into a 4 yr university here in Texas. I began to reject the negative things that were said about me and gained a new perspective of myself. it worked for me because I ended up landing a nice job and getting my own place and turning into a christian. I'm the only female of all my cousins that hasn't had children out of wedlock and hasn't gotten hooked on drugs, because my relationship w\ Christ helped change my mindset not to believe how man saw me as the half empty cup....but to see myself as what the word of God says my life could be.
So now I view things in life with hope as though the glass is half full. I don't crumble under the weight of lifes burdens. Now of course I do realize that there are times when its neccessary to be more of a realist than a optimist. Yet, I will have a balance that still hopes for the best with anyone or any circumstance.

Memorable quotes people have said to me

Wed, 11 Apr 2012 03:15:46 GMT

These are some memorable phrases that people have said to me and really left me in awe :)

"Its not because of the words you've spoken that makes you a good friend, but the actions you've done."

" You never have to pay me back for anything I do for you....I love you."

"You don't need to change your outward appearance at all. Your perfect just the way you are."

"When I said I couldn't stand you...what I really meant was "I need you."

"God is so attentive to us that he knows the number of hairs on our heads."

"There's no greater love, than for a man (Christ) to lay down his life for another."

"Who am I that God is mindful of me?"

"You'll be flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone like Eve was to Adam. You are my rib."

"I love you so much I'd change your diapers when you get old."

"when I hug you I'm squeezing you tight so I can feel your heart beating against mine"

"You make me sick! Get away from me! Wait....can you just come here.."

"Sometimes I stand really close to you because you smell nice and....this is gonna sound weird but.... I wanna always be able to find you in a crowd by your scent."

God chose us, we didn't choose him, and he ordained us that we should bring forth fruit, fruit that shall remain."

who am I?

Thu, 05 Apr 2012 05:59:00 GMT

I am the person whose father committed crimes for a living and now he has life in prison.

I am the woman who grew up without a mother because she passed away when I was just a toddler.

I am the woman that statistic's say I should be a drug addict or a criminal by now.

I am the 26 year old virgin, whose never been in prison and never been convicted of a felony.

I am the woman who always wanted to experience being drunk, but never did.

I am the woman who wondered what smoking would be like, but has never smoked ciggerettes.

I am the inexperienced one who didn't get my drivers license till I was 24 years old.

I am the one who was raised by an over protective aunt and uncle, who I'm so thankful for today.

I'm the woman who didn't grow up in a christian household, yet I decided to be baptized at age 18 at a christian assembly during my freshman year of college.

I am the person who began to study about Christ and started to pray daily.

I am the woman who began to experience God changing my heart.

I am the woman who had unforgiveness, strife, wrath, fear and impatience in her heart, but I don't anymore.

I am the woman that God has freed from these inner struggles.

I am the woman who was anti social and didn't trust people who I felt would hurt me.

I am the woman who became friendly after I began to trust God with my life and no longer allowed peoples actions to have any power over me to bother me.

I am the person who befriends, loners and people from all walks of life.

I am the friend who shows you love even whn your trying to be unlovable.

I am the woman who is desiring to budget my finances better.

I am the woman that has chosen not to date though I have met great guys.

I am the celibate sister who is focused on serving God and the community while finishing her college degree.

I am the daydreamer who thirst for travel and mission trips overseas.

I am that friend you make that try to get rid of but I'm still there, getting you gifts and showing I still care.

I am the person who crys and smiles when I read hallmark cards

I am the woman who wants a family someday.

I am the poetry lover, the red velvet crumb snatcher, the Christ fanatic, the hopeless romantic, the conversationalist when others get quiet, the truth speaker, the sentimental weeper, the family embracer, the no facial expression maker when others try to bring me down, the forgiver of those who have hurt me, and the admirer of God who breathed life into everything we now see.

In the Valley of Desicions

Wed, 21 Mar 2012 01:34:18 GMT

There are so many choices I have to make. Its as though I'm walking thru the valley of desicions to be made. Many of these options I have can alter the course of my life forever.

There are 3 major choices I have to make:

1. Whether to move to another cityand pursue a career elsewhere.
2. Would it be profitable for me to remain in the city of Beaumont? The ministry is growing and I work in leadership w\ youth where I currently reside.
3. Should I work full time in the summer and put my last college courses off till the fall semester?

These 3 decisions are in my prayers and I see Gods guiding light seeing me thru each one of these things as the best choices to make. People have been giving me their perspective about what they'd do if they were in my shoes. Many of them have great suggestions, but there's one source where I gain my true counsel from and that's thru Christ. He has the last say so, even in times where I've gotten zealous and done particuliar things based on compassion for others~ God has always intervened and ended things they way he see's fit. I'm honored to have Him as the overseer in my life.
There was one time where I moved to Houston Tx for almost a year. During this time I felt really alone although my family lives there, but all my friends lived back home in Beaumont. So every week I would be crying out to God in prayer because I wasn't use to being alone so much. Eventually I met two women at a bible study they held at the college campus there, but ultimately I was secretly praying in my heart for God to open doors for my finances to be able to move back home. (I have no relatives in Beaumont, but I loved living there) Sure enough God answered my hearts cry and I was able to move back with a smooth transition to a new job and a nice home back in Beaumont. Because my life is in Christ, his word applies to me as it says here:

Proverbs 19: 20-21
v.20 Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter end.
v.21 There are many devices in a mans heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand.

A Visit to Remember

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 05:14:45 GMT

Yesterday, I visited my father in prison. He has a life sentence without chance of parole so he cherishes whenever the family drops by to see him. It'd been such a long time since I laid eyes on him face to face. He hugged me so tight and asked me "do you resent me for being in prison all these years and not being able to be there for you out in the free world?" I looked him directly in his coin shaped, dark brown eyes and said "of course not, you were arrested~ you didn't leave me and my sister on your on free will." He face seemed to show relief and comfort all at once. So then he began to share w\ us about some money he was hoping to receive from a lawsuit he filed on the penititary. He said "If I win this lawsuit, I'll be rewarded quite a sum. When I receive it, I want to give my daughters enough to start a buisness of your own. So be thinking of one you'd want to have."
This news didn't come as a shock at all because my father has always been a provider\ protector type and I've always loved that about him. He always would help his children in any way he could, especially if he could benefit from it. My father has done some horrible things and committed heinous crimes, but he's still my father and I love him. I was actually in tears when our 2 hour visit was over. I was hugging him so tightly, as though I never wanted to let him go. I always use to say "I never want to marry someone like my Dad." But as I get older I don't wanna disannul him completely. There are certain characteristics my Dad has that I wouldn't mind my spouse having after all. I'm saying all this to say how love can cause you to see the greatest potiential in others. How LOVE has caused me to forgive a man (my father) who shot my mother to death when I was a toddler. The same LOVE has caused me to have mercy on my father when he does things now a days that isn't always honest. Yet, since God forgave me when I was unworthy of his mercy, how much more can I show the same compassion on my Dad. I'm free to love, I'm not bound up in chains of bitterness that would only hurt me. I'm amazed at how even to this day, we write one another 4 and 5 page letters and he says I'm his favorite daughter. He says that because I invest a lot of time in my Dad. If I would've had strife in my heart towards him over the death of my mother, I imagine living a cold stagnant life without a father in my life and it probably would've had a negative effect on my relationships with other men in life (such as my uncles, cousins, male friends and etc.) I'm grateful to have Christ as a keeper of my heart, because he gives me the strength to Love. This visit will always stand out in my mind because it caused me to meditate on all these things to be appreciative of.

You know your In Love when...

Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:01:31 GMT

You know your in love when your thoughts are for the other person. When your care is more for their well being than your own. When the beauty you see in them is past physical, the joy you feel when they are around colors the experience in vivid hues..Every sensation to your mind of who they are to you is intense at times. There is the essence of being free and captivated that simultaneously surrounds you. The complex things become simple and the simple things seem to have more to them than they had before.. its a love you grow into. The phrase "in love" is when you reach the point that you are willing to let go and be embraced as you are, while embracing them as they are. This takes trust established through understanding.

Titles that Matter to Me & Ones that Don't

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 06:02:05 GMT

Does it matter to me if I get all the perks without the title? I'm noticing at my job that I get paid the same as our assistant supervisor, but she's handles more responsibilities. They promoted her w\ a title recently because she is aLwAyS available. She would always come in when no one else would and she even let them relocate her to another department. She works days and hours that I never have and never would. However, I've been there two years longer and the other employee's automatically ask me how to handle situations. Even at times she's given the wrong info and I've corrected it, but yet she is technically considered my superior because she bends over backwards to help and works a lot of time for the job. In this scenario, I enjoy getting the same perks w\ less responsibles. However, in another area of my life I can't say the same..
My friend Erika and I have been friends for 7 years. She has lived w\ me rent free when she needed help getting on her feet and she did the same for me. We discuss nearly everything with one another and we never get tired of hanging w\ each other. I'm the only female friend she feels comfortable asking for money and advice and its been great. However, she does not refer to me as her best friend.. Even though she has gone out of her way for me many times, felt more welcome at my place then almost anybody elses and has shared more personal things w\ me than anyone else~ she says she doesn't want to put one friend above all the rest. She says she doesn't want to treat me better than her other friends because she wants to be fair to them. O_o. Yet, all our friends clearly can see by how much we've hung out and how we always buy each other stuff, also that we usually look out for each other that we are clearly best friends whether she realizes it or not.
This has bothered me until I spoke w\ my friend Kels about it and he shared with me that he has a best friend and he doesn't know whether she see's him the same way or not. So I realized I'm not alone on this matter. Even though I stopped bringing it up, sometimes I just want to pin her down on the floor and say "admit it! Admit that I'm your bestie! I need to hear you say the words!" Lol, yet as for now I'm content w\ friends like Kels who are rising up the ranks to becoming a best friend also. Even though Erika has a different perspective, it still would be nice just to hear the words at least once in a lifetime.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye

Thu, 26 Jan 2012 05:02:09 GMT

Okay so previously I posted about upfront, serious ways to turn down dates. It's all because I haven't dated since 2008. That was the year I had my last long term relationship that lasted 5 going on 6 years. I'm a christian so of course I'm abstinent, but my friends and family (for those who don't already know) ask me why I don't date or why I haven't gotten into a relationship for the past few years.
Well, when it comes to dating, there are many things that go along with it like: affection and becoming attached to someone and there's no gurantee that you'll stay together. I've participated in the dating scene and it was emotionally exhausting and a waste of time. The next person that I find interest in as a potiential future spouse will be someone that I plan to have a strong foundation as friends. Then
we'll discuss if we see a future together w\ each other and become engaged. Nest phase is premarital counseling and both of us preparing to have a home and family together.
However, I understand that this process takes time and I'm content with where my life is now. I'm at liberty to travel, get degree's and do things on my terms for now so I'm enjoying this time.
Getting to know people can be a happy process and also a tedious process because you see things that are great about them, then you see things that are not so great....but all in all I know I also have the option to remain single if that's what I choose. Motherhood has always been appealing, so I also have the option of adopting if I choose to live a long term single life. I have brothers who have volunteered to be father figures for the child I would take into my custody. All of these thoughts are for future reference though and are by no means a present term deal.

Love for the Unlovable

Tue, 24 Jan 2012 04:19:36 GMT

Its usually a challenge for many people to show love to people when they give you the cold shoulder. there's a quote I love that says: "sometimes people put up walls, not to keep people out- but to see who cares enough to tear those walls down w\ love."
The reason this resignates with me so deeply is because when I was younger I went thru a phase where I potrayed myself to be "unlovable, cold, and anti social". When people would be nice to me and invite me to sit w\ them I would say "no thank you". Why, you ask? Because I felt I couldn't trust people and that they all were out to hurt me. So sometimes I recognize this mindset with others. Though they come off as loners, some of them desire companionship deep down on the inside. There was a girl I used to always speak to who wore dark clothing often, with dark nails and her hair usually covered her face. It was obvious that she wanted to fade into the background. Whenever I would pass her at the college campus and say hi to her she would look at me and frown. This would've discouraged most people, but somehow I saw someone who was only pretending to be unlovable. So I spoke to her everytime I saw her. Till one semester we had a speech class together. She gave a speech about child molestors and how to recognize suspicous behaviors around your children, nieces or nephews to protect them. At the end of her speech she shared a blood curdling memory ofher sister being molested and how by her seeing her big sister go thru that how helpless and hurtful it was for them both. She broke down at the podium and cried and I handed her klennex as the professor instructed me to take into the hall. Once we got outside, I told her that her speech was going to help someone to prevent that from happening to the youth in our families and I hugged her. She actually hugged me back and I asked if I could pray w\ her and we joined hands in prayer that our classmates would remember this day and speech and spread the word to prevent other children from being sexually abused. Then to also strengthen those who already have been molested to share their stories to help give others hope and tools to help others.
To this day me and Heather are still good friends. Though we come from different walks of life, we enjoy different things we share a common ground that we are both two people who made the conscious decision to allow others to love us, as we bravely allowed ourselves to love them back.
Love can be risky business, but overall God has opened my eyes to see how as Martin Luther King said it "only love can drive out hate." Some of us have had anger in our hearts that turned into pure hatred for the people who misused us or made us sorrowful. Yet, when I stopped giving people that much power to make me upset, I was liberated in my mind. Like Christ though they mocked him, ripped flesh from his body, slapped a crown of thorns on his head, he still prayed for them "forgive them father, for they know not what they do." It takes way more strength to pray for an enemy, then to get revenge." I believe in second chances. God forgave me of the evil ways I had in my youth, and gave me a second chance so how much more can he free someone else from their evil ways just as he did with me. With mortal men there are limitations, but with God the possibilties are endless.