Yesterday, I visited my father in prison. He has a life sentence without chance of parole so he cherishes whenever the family drops by to see him. It'd been such a long time since I laid eyes on him face to face. He hugged me so tight and asked me "do you resent me for being in prison all these years and not being able to be there for you out in the free world?" I looked him directly in his coin shaped, dark brown eyes and said "of course not, you were arrested~ you didn't leave me and my sister on your on free will." He face seemed to show relief and comfort all at once. So then he began to share w\ us about some money he was hoping to receive from a lawsuit he filed on the penititary. He said "If I win this lawsuit, I'll be rewarded quite a sum. When I receive it, I want to give my daughters enough to start a buisness of your own. So be thinking of one you'd want to have."
This news didn't come as a shock at all because my father has always been a provider\ protector type and I've always loved that about him. He always would help his children in any way he could, especially if he could benefit from it. My father has done some horrible things and committed heinous crimes, but he's still my father and I love him. I was actually in tears when our 2 hour visit was over. I was hugging him so tightly, as though I never wanted to let him go. I always use to say "I never want to marry someone like my Dad." But as I get older I don't wanna disannul him completely. There are certain characteristics my Dad has that I wouldn't mind my spouse having after all. I'm saying all this to say how love can cause you to see the greatest potiential in others. How LOVE has caused me to forgive a man (my father) who shot my mother to death when I was a toddler. The same LOVE has caused me to have mercy on my father when he does things now a days that isn't always honest. Yet, since God forgave me when I was unworthy of his mercy, how much more can I show the same compassion on my Dad. I'm free to love, I'm not bound up in chains of bitterness that would only hurt me. I'm amazed at how even to this day, we write one another 4 and 5 page letters and he says I'm his favorite daughter. He says that because I invest a lot of time in my Dad. If I would've had strife in my heart towards him over the death of my mother, I imagine living a cold stagnant life without a father in my life and it probably would've had a negative effect on my relationships with other men in life (such as my uncles, cousins, male friends and etc.) I'm grateful to have Christ as a keeper of my heart, because he gives me the strength to Love. This visit will always stand out in my mind because it caused me to meditate on all these things to be appreciative of.